Woodcut by Joseph Crawhall, Newcastle wood engraver (1821–1896)
The Vapours
said the millionaire to the plumber
In search of truth
Keeping up appearances
Forget the threat of skin cancer when it comes to persuading young women to reduce their trips to the tanning salon. According to US scientists, concentrating on the appearance-damaging effects of tanning — not the possibility of lethal melanoma — reduced the use of tanning booths by 35% in women who received advice.
Appearances — or wishful thinking — are deceiving parents when it comes to judging their child’s weight, a researcher in Australia has found. Forty three percent of parents believe their child is an ideal weight when they’re actually underweight, rising to 49% in overweight kids.
Which of those overweight youngsters make it to obesity could be down to their satisfaction with food. The brains of obese people respond less well to the feel-good dopamine released by eating food, say Texan scientists, leading them into a spiral of overeating to hit the dizzy heights their leaner counterparts reach with each morsel.
Investment opportunity
In ten years time Rosehill will be like Notting Hill you mark my words. link
Announcement
The record collection of A.Gilhespy will be for sale in the St. Oswald’s Hospice charity shop, Chillingham Road, Newcastle NE6, from next week. It comprises of vinyl and CDs bought out of keen interest in the music or packaging, spirited early-twenties Talking Heads completism, or pity for poorly received touring bands. It is being sold in an effort to rid a small apartment of pity.
In search of truth
What you should and shouldn’t do
Having an immovable forehead makes a great first impression, according to researchers. Photos of people after botox injections were rated better than before on first impressions in terms of dating success, attractiveness and athletic ability. But botoxed faces were rated no better in terms of financial and relationship success or social skills.
Smokers and the overweight are most in favour of the carrot approach when it comes to deciding whether to pay people to change their unhealthy lifestyle or penalise them, US researchers have found. In the same study, people were in favour of rewarding healthy behaviour with lower health insurance, but not on charging people with unhealthy behaviours more — seemingly unaware that the two are the same.
Bad news for those seen sporting faux cigarettes in trendy bars as an attempt to break their tobacco habit. The World Health Organization has warned that electronic cigarettes, which exude a fine mist of nicotine, are not a proven method for quitting.
But unhealthy behaviour could be cheaper in the long run for fellas tipping the heavier end of the scales. Obese men have hormonal changes — including lower testosterone levels — that make fathering a child less likely.
¡Vive la Council!
The Revolution hits another stumbling block
Four members of revolutionary communist group the Revolutionary Communist Group face fines of £450 each after magistrates in Newcastle convicted them of collecting money in public without a permit. The group were nabbed on the technicality that shouting at shoppers—enmiserabled victims of capitalist oppression—through a loudhaler from behind a wallpaper pasting table does not constitute having an open-air meeting, at which a collection would be lawful. The judgement is being seen as a second victory by the local Council in their campaign to rid the city of communists, following the recent banishing of a bongo player.
Revolutionary Tom Vickers (suspected facebook page here—admittedly based mainly on the friends list, which contains some people who use Che Guevara as their profile picture) has labelled the judgement “a fundamental attack on democracy”. He also stated his intent to defy the ruling, saying “without accepting donations from just members of the public, then there’s no money to produce banners”.
The Revolutionary Communist Group actively supports the regime in Cuba, known for locking up pro-democracy campaigners. As good marxists they almost certainly don’t believe in money, so please send solidarity donations straight to The Vapours, where money is held in great esteem, and spent on much better things than banners, Freedom Lager and headlice treatments.
Empty room
On Saturday I left the parlour window closed all day. When I came home from work in the evening the temperature in the room was stifling. On Sunday I left the parlour window wide open throughout the afternoon whilst I went to watch the football on my sister’s big TV. When I came home in the evening my room was filled with flies. On Monday I left the parlour window very slightly open. When I came from work my room was stifling and filled with flies.
Tomorrow promises to be another black day.
In search of truth
Because animals are just more interesting
Scientists in Maryland have found that captive capuchin monkeys get aggressive after a communal rub-down with onions. The oniony aroma could mask hierarchy-determining scents. Or it could be the shame.
Things are more cooperative at pond level. Unable to survive outside their watery home, it seems that water fleas rely on the hairy abdomens of fellow pond-dwelling insects to pick up and transport their eggs, thus ensuring a wide dispersal, according to Belgian scientists.
Poorly bees are no match for scientists in Leicester. Injected with an immune system-stimulating substance, one group of bees took longer to remember which artificial flower contained sweet, sweet sugar water, suggesting links between the immune system and learning.
Malaysian pen-tailed treeshrews can take their drink. German scientists have discovered that the tiny mammal lives on a diet of fermented nectar with a maximum alcohol content of 3.8% — about the same as a good mild ale — but doesn’t show any signs of intoxication.
Ratatat at the End Bar, 28/07/08
Photo: A. Gilhespy
Blood Red Shoes, Trencín, Slovakia 19/07/08
Vapours contributors Adam Gilhespy and Andrew Fenwick were sent to report on the Pohoda Festival in Slovakia for a rival publication. Initial suspicions that the festival was a massive fundraising effort for an anti-abortion campaign proved unfounded, and Enjoy Bratislava and Slovakia magazine made a superb guide for the weekend:
Stop to smoking
“The [no smoking] act actually in force orders the owners of bars to separate these two [smoking and non-smoking] zones but in practice often the imaginary boundary is formed by vacuum or other meaningless absurdity.”
Drivers, Beware!
“The influence of drugs used before the ride is different. Some kinds suppress and slow down the reactions, others on the contrary evoke accelerated reactions and a sensation of dauntlessness.”
Celebrations of victory all over Europe
“A war that spread almost to the whole world, killed tens of million of civilians and soldiers, destroyed innumerable quantity of towns and caused property and cultural damage of incalculable dimensions.”
Undignified primacy
“Despite the tendency of constant reduction of unemployment, in the scale of all EU member countries we are still in the desperate last place.”
Photo: A. Gilhespy
